accepting what is

This post is over a month in the making…since Christmas, in fact. I came back from my visit to Moncton with a little more understanding about myself and a little better knowledge and understanding about my brother. The most profound thought I had then was: you never stop learning, do you?

  • Art is extroverted.
    • By contrast, I am definitely introverted.
  • Art and Corrine like music. A lot. So much so that it’s to a point where I would call it noise – there is always music in their household, whether Art is playing his guitar or Corrine has tunes playing from her smartphone or whether tunes are playing from the iPod set up (docking & speakers).
    • By contrast, I find his home noisy and that I prefer a more quiet environment. And I want to add that both Vince and I do like music, but it’s not playing at all times.
  • My brother doesn’t look at time the same way that I do – the lack of clocks in the home tells me this.
    • I don’t know whether my need to know the time is based on my obsessive-compulsive tendencies about being on time or because it’s important to be on time with Vince’s business (all his appointments and contracts), but we pretty much have a clock per room of our SMALL apartment.
  • Structure – I admit there are days in my life when plans are not set, things just happen. But when ‘this is the plan’ is expressed, I have an expectation that ‘this’ will happen exactly as mentioned. My brother and his fiance are so much more flexible than me. They change their minds and their plans on the fly.
    • This upsets my sense of structure. I wanted to think that I am that flexible, but it’s obvious to me that I am much more structured.

The only conclusion is that my brother and I are like night and day. But, and here’s the important point, that doesn’t mean lack of love. In fact, there’s a lot of love.

I have to admit that most of the time I felt like an outsider when my brother, his fiance and my dad and I were together. Anything that I could say or suggest or even do was ground already covered and trodding down a path already travelled.

And yet there was comfort in this visit to Moncton. As much as I was the outsider, and I was, I was able to view the situation with clarity. I watched the interaction and, indeed, love between Dad and Art and Corrine. It was as it should be.

I had a choice. I could accept what it is, and be thankful and happy that it was that way, or I could be a petulant adult, wishing to be on the inside, jealous and insecure. I’ve opted for the former; I’ve opted to accept that it is what it is. Truth is, it’s not a bad thing.

Oṃ śānti śānti śānti.