I have realized that a summary posting of how I am doing is a good thing to do. Unless I tell you, you won’t know exactly how I’m doing. Some of what is below has been said in other posts. This is a summary of how things are today.
- So far, things are good.
- Radiation is completed. I’ve started two oral drugs to help slow the growth.
- Some side effects now appearing — achy joints and hair loss (more below)
- Some insomnia kicking in too — doesn’t help that my brain races at night
- Surprisingly calm (as I type this)
- There are good days and bad, as expected
- I know I still have moments where I am struggling because responding to all incoming messages can be overwhelming, which is the real reason for silence from me; because I care, very much, that you reach out to me
- I miss hugs the most – and yes, Vince is always there to give a hug; I mean from friends and loved ones
- I’ve become a hermit, venturing forth very early on Saturday mornings when fewer people are likely to see me
- I’ve learned that my hydro consumption is up; toilet paper consumption is up; neighbours are stupid; social media is addictive (windows on everyone’s world)
- I’m amused by watching people and their hair (Dr. Bonnie Henry has had a cut and colour since salons reopened here; waiting for Trudeau’s mop to be shorn)
- Personal hygiene has taken a hit (not showering daily); toe nails that turned into weapons; and brushing teeth (well, let’s say once a day is better than not at all)
- Clothing choices tend towards t-shirts, jeans, leggings or track/yoga pants
- The clothes in my closet are gathering dust!
- Okay, the biggest downside of the radiation is hair loss – not only am I most likely to lose my hair, it is possible the loss is permanent
- Unlike the first dance I had with cancer, I didn’t rush to shave my head, adopting a wait-and-see attitude
- Unfortunately I met a woman who finished the same type of radiation 3 weeks before me and she was completely bald
- I sort of lost my cool there and convinced myself that if my hair was shorter that I could deal with the loss better (hence the short, not-so-flattering but oh-so-practical haircut)
- It’s been falling out these past few days (not in clumps, but in strands; definitely thinner in places but no bald spots – yet); it’s been 19 days so far (and full side effects from radiation can manifest in 3 to 4 weeks); so the next 2 weeks will be interesting
- If things go patchy, I will shave it
back to work
- Yes, I have returned to work as planned; isn’t it better to go with life than lay down and wait?
- I’ve now been back for two full weeks, full-time hours
- I am not pushing myself; it feels okay (but yes, I have had days that I am more tired than usual)
- It also feels better than being bored out of my mind (the 2 weeks prior to returning to work, I was climbing the walls)
- It’s been really good for me (though it was really shit those first few days waking up to an alarm again)
- I am working from home and will likely never get back into the office (my immune system is officially kaput thanks to the cancer-related medication)
- I often go hours without feeling sorry for myself; I generally save the pity parties for the nights I can’t sleep
I found this quote, and I think it describes where I’m going.
Live. Laugh. Thrive. ❣