Optimistic???

I was speaking with  co-worker the other day about my potential IBC diagnosis.

I have a habit when dealing with things in my life to put it into humour. For example, in describing “why” for IBC as opposed to a less aggressive and less rare cancer, I said that I always need a challenge.

The co-worker commented that I’m always so optimistic. Wow. That blew me away.

Because I don’t see myself as optimistic. I thought afterwards that I don’t share the thoughts in my head…you know, the ones that say, “Oh my god, I’m going to die” or “Each day that goes by, I’m one step closer to dying.”

The truth is, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared. I don’t know if I can win this fight. And that’s why I don’t see myself as optimistic.