plastic surgery?

It all started with the last visit to my oncologist at the end of May. He told me not to completely rule out reconstruction.

Then, also attending the conference were health care professionals from Victoria – I think I’ve mentioned that my physiotherapist was there, so was one of her co-workers and then I ran into Dorothy who is one of the Breast Health Navigators – a specialized nurse to help women with information, etc. when dealing with breast cancer surgery. Dorothy and I actually talked for about an hour or so after a session we both attended. I told her about my scars and the “wings” under my arms.  Dorothy said that I should go to a plastic surgeon, that it was covered by the provincial health care, and see what the surgeon could do.

Between these two instances I got to thinking. Finally, I added in a third thought. I’m struggling with clothing – without any cleavage, I don’t have a lot of options.

So, I’m thinking. And thinking. Right now the only part of the consult that has any interest to me is the reduction of the extra skin/fat under my arms. I am open to the reconstruction idea, but undecided in a big way.

I initially chose not to do reconstruction for a few reasons. At first I was trying to deal with the cancer part separately from any reconstruction. And I was mad that I was forced to make that decision at all. Next: I had heavy, dense breasts, and not having breasts was meant to be liberating. I hate bras. And finally, I was damned if I was going to let society dictate how a woman should look. Not necessarily the best reasons, but they’re mine.

It’s obvious to me now that it’s been about needing to be in the proper head-space to think about it.

I’m not self-conscious in the public or at work, etc., about being breastless. I am self-conscious in my nudity. Overall there has been an effect on my self-confidence. Let me hasten to add that Vince would scoff at my worry about nudity, at least around him, saying that it doesn’t bother him.

Am I sounding like a head-case yet??

When I saw my GP to get the referral, she made me smile saying that I didn’t have to put up with the discomfort I’ve had, all I had to do was speak up and if she’d known, well, there wouldn’t have been any waiting.

Maybe there’s an update to this in the future, maybe not.