It’s been very easy for me to type about the things going one with me and to me as this battle progressed as very funny. Some of them have been.
As I go through the final hours before reporting to the hospital, my mind is whirling. I’ve come so far in uncertainty and I have to continue that way for years to come. I think it’s a helluva way to make a control-freak to learn to let go. At least that’s one of the rationales I give myself for getting this kind of cancer.
The truth, and it will come as no surprise to anyone, is that I am scared shitless. I’m scared that surgery won’t be the end, that the cancer has already metastacized. I’m scared about losing a part of me that, though I hate to admit it, is a part of how I see myself as well. I don’t know how my self-image will be at the end – suffer or who cares? I’m just plain scared.
I’m not seeing myself as very strong right now, and so I’m counting on you all to boost me up. I know that you’ll all be with me in prayers tomorrow. Thank you.
I have an email distribution list for Vince to send out notice when he is able (for those emails we have). Until I am up to publishing here, you may have to wait some days more for information.