There is a story about the haircut. Bear with me.
I had a 3-day pity party last week. It became a full meltdown on day 3: Friday. By that point I had worked myself into quite a state. I called it a pity party. Let’s be honest, it was an anxiety attack. I was partially tripped by meeting a woman at the outpatient lab (vampires wanted blood) on Tuesday, who was bald and we got to talking – also breast cancer metastases, also to the brain. She completed the same radiation protocol as I did at the beginning of May, I was 3 weeks later. I’ve known that hair loss was a high probability out of this kind of radiation treatment. I thought I was prepared. Apparently I wasn’t.
I had been rational up until that point. I was in no hurry to shave my head; unlike 2006 when I couldn’t bear to watch my hair come out. I was thinking that I could handle it this time. That I wouldn’t shave my head unless it was necessary (I was thinking really patchy). But the more I thought about it, and the woman from the outpatient lab, the more I thought I would handle the hair loss better if my hair was shorter. Start anxiety attack. Note there were other things that cascaded and looped through my mind.
Outwardly I held myself together pretty good; barely anyone knew I was going through this. Except Friday, when there were tears.
What do I do when I’m having such a spell? I obsess about something that I can control. In this case, it was… you guessed it….my hair.
So I contacted my stylist and about possibly getting in on the weekend. I was completely honest about telling him I was having a hair meltdown and what I was trying to do: get a short haircut until I have to shave my head. And he had no availability for the date I requested. But, that’s not the end of the story. Chris not only knows me, he understands these attacks (I did it to him two days before I was to leave to go out east to visit family years ago — anxious about seeing them and choosing what I could control). It didn’t take Chris long at all to come back with an offer for Friday, early afternoon. It completely went against my wishes, I didn’t want to go during work hours while I was trying to re-establish myself back at work. Eventually the anxiety won out and I accepted the Friday appointment. I so appreciate Chris. More than words can say. ❤
Here is how it looks. I can’t say it’s the most feminine of looks. But it completely suits my purpose/intent. And, more importantly, I calmed down.
Tonight I have more than a few hairs coming out (not in clumps), so this won’t last long.
Live. Laugh. Thrive.❣