the poop of it

If the subject line doesn’t tell you what this is about, then you don’t know me very well.

Say, am I now so boring that no-one reads my blog anymore?? Stats say no-one has checked in since Sunday. Sigh. My popularity is waning.

Well, let’s see. What haven’t I told you about my body functions yet? Oh yeah, right: nothing left to tell. Wrong. There’s plenty to share. Hey! If I have to experience it, you get to read about it.

Chronic diarrhea. Those two words tell you plenty, don’t they? It began just as my last round of antibiotics was completed. The fear, of course, is c. diff. or any other type of infection caused by the “good” bacteria being inhilated in my intestine. After 5 days of going about 10 x a day with NOTHING solid, I was asked to do a c. diff test. I was told until I had the test results NOT to take anything other than natural choices (yogurt) for the diarrhea.

You know what that means….poop provided in a container for the lab. So I go to the local lab to get the container and they give me a plastic bag, the insert page to identify who and what and the container. No instructions. No recommendations.

Hey folks! I have DIARRHEA. Any recommendations on collecting that??!!!

I got a pair of gloves from my home nurse and the next morning contemplated whether I should just aim for the container opening or if I needed something to “catch” the waste. I opted for something to catch it as I didn’t think my aim at a 1 inch diameter hole would net me much success. My choice of “catcher”?? Saran wrap.

Yes, I saran wrapped my toilet. I did it, put the seat down and sat down only to have the saran stick to my butt. Up I get and readjust the saran to make a bit of a pocket. [Now add to the image a person in the middle of sphincter squeeze as I HAD TO GO!!]

I proceeded to release and then, with gloves on, scoop into the container.

The clean up was not pretty, but was accomplished.

Thank goodness for the gloves!!!!

And so I waited and waited and waited for test results. Missed the cut off to have in time for the weekend, so a week later I’m on day 12 of diarrhea and I’m losing my mind. I can’t do much of anything. And I can’t get the result because it’s a stat holiday!!! Argh!!!!

On day 14 I get the result: negative and negative for toxins. Immodium here I come!!! It took about 4 days for the frequency to slow down and another 3 or 4 days to have something a little more solid. As of today, I am solid and “regular” again.

The worry was there for a little bit that this would be more a part of my life for a while, that the chemo drugs, herceptin and tamoxifen were finally taking their toll on my body. Nice for it not to be this.

That’s a full 27 days after it all began.

I’ve had enough folks. No more.


2 thoughts on “the poop of it

  1. Apparently I didn’t think that far ahead after picking up the container. And when you’re running around with a sphincter squeeze looking for anything, you don’t have a lot of time to think!! Also, you have to own the aluminum pie plates, etc. to use them!

  2. I never thought that bodily functions could be so amusing – then again, it ain’t me, so it’s funny. As for Saraning your own toilet….most people use aluminum pie plates or the like…just so you know for next time! But the gloves were a good idea…and one that comes highly recommended from the many nurses who get to do these tests for other people on a regular basis.
    Good on you for coming up with a messy albeit inventive way to collect.
    Glad to hear things are tightening up for you! (Pun intended)
    Ciao baby

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