This past week has been one for reflection as once again I seem to be in a holding pattern.

Oh, things are progressing. I’ve received my surgical paperwork, I’ve made an appt. with my GP (whom I haven’t seen in 9 months) for a pre-op physical, because I have to, and I’m preparing for another herceptin treatment at the end of this week…and still I’ve had lots of time to think.

My oncologist told me that before I was in survival mode and now the reality of it all is hitting me. He’s right.

I spoke with a Breast Health Patient Navigator on Thursday – part of my trying to get out of the pre-op exam (really, I’ve seen specialists practically every week of my treatment, blood tests every third week, what could my GP tell the surgeon/hospital that isn’t already known???). I lost that battle. But as the lady spoke with me, she asked me questions that made me feel down…not her intent, and know that it was my answers to her questions that made me think a little more.

I truly haven’t availed myself on my friends probably as much as I should…but I do want to say I’ve never doubted the support.

And so, as I admit to myself how truly scared I am, I suspect I should speak with one of the counsellors at the clinic, just to ease my heart and my mind.

A very dear friend called May 1st a new beginning. It’s certainly a different chapter in my life.

Eyes are on the prize.