Just for the record, herceptin #14 is done. Only 3 more to go. Side effects are just starting to hit today.
I know I’ve said this before, but work hasn’t been the happiest place for me since my return. Part of it is me and the healing…and the fear…but the other part is that we’re short-staffed and there isn’t time to do anything for anyone, and if I do anything it’s not at 100%.
I’ve had a few indicators that I’m not the happiest I can be. Before I list, there’s one thing I ask you to remember about me – I laugh out loud and a lot, or so I’m told. Small things make me laugh.
1) One of my co-workers, who is very empathetic all the time, sent me an email last week saying how nice it was to hear me laugh again, because she hadn’t heard it in a while.
2) Then I picked up some of the pills I’m taking from the naturopath’s office and his wife, who was covering reception, asked me if I was okay.
3) I arrived at the cancer clinic Monday, well drugged for the needle, and the chemo nurse asked me if everything was okay. I tried to joke it off that it was the anticipation of the needle and she said no, it’s not that.
I’m not even asking for signs and they’re hitting me over the head!!!!
What I’m supposed to do with the knowledge is another thing I need to figure out. Or maybe I’m in denial. All I know is that I need a few more signs (please and thank you) to point me in the right direction.
Tomorrow I go to see the surgeon about my oophorectomy. I’m hoping that I hear good news as $100 a month (and that’s my cost with my medical plan – $500 if I didn’t have a plan) for the medication doesn’t thrill me (at least not for the long run).
I’m also nervous about a new surgeon. What was wrong with my old one?? ‘Specialty’ I suppose.
And the final thought for today: Just when I thought I was getting close to being done with the appointments, that is anticipating that by now the frequency of appointments would drop off, here I am talking surgery AGAIN. You’d think the last round would have made me a little shy. Ha! Apparently I have more bravery than brain.