thursday = bleh!

I don’t think there is anything that can truly prepare you for chemo and what it does to you. Images of pale, bald and weak people certainly come to mind. I’m not there yet, but I see it coming. The majority of this entry is about feeling awful and what I’ve experienced. If you want to read about body functions and feeling awful, highlight the text to do so.

Day 2 (the day immediately after a chemo treatment) is full of heartburn. Immediate and VERY painful. But other than that, I feel pretty okay. Insomnia has hit most the night of a chemo treatment, this was no different. I was up at 5 a.m. this day. But, at least my work day ended at noon. Oh yes, don’t let’s forget that I had BIOPSY #4 – you did read that right. All because my oncologist needs to determine my HER2 status – it’s all for my recovery, I get that. I just wish it wasn’t as painful as it is.

And finally, once again I have my period for chemo. I’m convinced that my body doesn’t respond as expected to things. Despite the side effects, chemo really hasn’t laid me up and I am not really dealing with a lot of nausea. So why should the periods be any different?

Day 3 (Wednesday) is when I feel weak, but the worst is the constipation. I pass gas, no problem, pass anything else, forget about it. And then you cramp. And so you try the “natural” remedy they suggest. Why not just ask me to gag outright? But by mid-afternoon we seem to have things moving. Albeit very painfully, but moving. And, oh yes, the heartburn continues with some ease from medication….add in now the fatigue.

All in all, Wednesday is a good day.

Day 4 – now this day sucked big time. I could barely sit upright let alone stay awake. Weak. So very weak. Oh yes, add in a good bought of nausea – lasted about 2 hours – and I was all done in. All I could do to eat. All I could do to get out of bed and go to bathroom. Bathroom – that’s a joke still. Going, not well, not without pain. All in all, felt very less than human. The night was bad. Night sweats. Insomnia and voila, I awake on Day 5 almost human.

The stomach is still off, but not that rolling nausea. Thank God! Ventured out today and pooped myself out in less than 2 hours.

I hate this more than words can describe. I want so bad for things to be normal and then I’m forced to acknowledge that nothing about my life right now is normal. I have breast cancer. I am battling breast cancer. Those are the hardest words to say…to admit.

And to think, I have five more chemo treatments. Oh the things I get to look forward to.

namaste

4 thoughts on “thursday = bleh!

  1. I SO wish you didn’t have to go through this. I can only put it down to something ahead of you that is going to be SO great that it might dull the memory of some of this crap that you have to endure.

    I know that it’s hard to admit that you have breast cancer but I am sure that it will be great when you WILL say “I am a breast cancer survivor. I didn’t let it beat me”. You will survive it and when the Chemo is done we are going out for an all you can eat sushi buffet.

    Love you
    Ro

  2. Hang in there Sweetie!

    I promise you two things…it will get worse before it gets better….AND I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HOLD NEAR AND DEAR TO ME…IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!! Feel free at this point to sleep when you can…if you can…eat whatever the hell you can and want because you know at this point you damn well deserve it!

    I remember oh so well writing emails at 4am and eating a pizza at the same time. (I was already on med’s for heartburn too!)Keep up your water intake I swear it will help you!

    By the way I raised over $1,200.00 for our walk today! My dog Ty and I finished in 1:06:06! It was overwhelming when I got there and I even had to stop and gather myself before I went on but then I thought…there are 15,000 people here walking with and for you and I and every person affected or afflicted with this disease. That’s a LOT of friends you have fighting this…to make it easier to beat and hopefully gone forever!

    Will write you an email soon my dear, have just moved and am still getting settled…you hang in there…I send my love to embrace you…remember on those crappy days…and there are a lot of those…you do know FOR SURE it CAN and WILL be BEATEN….according to the survivor’s parade I was in during September, I am LIVING PROOF!!! ( AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!!)

    PEACE, LOVE AND LIGHT,

    Tracy

  3. I was visiting with Kim yesterday and she asked how you were holding up. I told her some of the lowlights, and her reply was that “if anyone can beat this it would be you. You’re a strong, strong lady”…
    But we all knew that. 🙂

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