So it’s been a few days…what’re ya gonna do? Not email me??
First, let me get the health part out of the way, and then I’ll vent.
- Infection eradicated.
- Ostomy closed.
- Lighter pink colour returning.
- Surgeon has signed off.
- Home care nurse is sticking around for one more week, but basically does nothing.
- Scar on left is something, and not so pretty.
- Arm motion getting better, but I despair ever getting full motion back.
- Getting to and from work is okay. Pooped by week’s end, but overall stamina improving.
Herceptin #9 is out of the way. Eight more to go. My veins still aren’t cooperating. The lab had to use a syringe set up to get 1.5 cc of blood for my latest hematology. The cancer clinic nurses have moved to my upper arm now to access a larger vein (likely the one the docs keep wanting to use for the PICC line). But that’s only after trying twice on the lower arm and getting nowhere. Lovely bruising all the way around.
And now the other part.
I think I’ve lost my nerve. In many ways it is time for me to move on from my current position. My skills are not fully utilised, my pay doesn’t equate with what I’m doing anyway….and I’m scared to even look elsewhere. Cancer has scared me more than I thought. Although not perfect, at least my job is mine.
But the headaches I have at work are building quickly and I’m not sure I’m capable of handling the stress associated with them. Would I trade one set of headaches for another? Most likely.
I hate my job right now. No. Let me back up a sec. I hate aspects of my job, like dealing with people and the supervisory part. It comes down to a few different things and you know what? I can’t even type all my frustrations out because of the “openess” of this blog. I’m not impressed with how people are behaving, how people aren’t thinking outside the box and how people are treating me.
Maybe that’s my frustration. I’ve been gone for 10 weeks, I’m barely around now (part-time doesn’t leave room for a lot to be done) and I’m not getting one ounce of respect.
All I know is I’m not happy…and that can’t be a good thing.